how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
