i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
