The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
