I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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