i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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