So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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