just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
