Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
