Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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