Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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