I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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