Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
