I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
