I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Randomize
