...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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