Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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