Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
