I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
