Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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