My liver just broke up with me...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
