I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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