It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
