I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
