I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
