Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
