Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
