Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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