We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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