I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
