i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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