Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
