i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
