i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
