There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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