Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
