i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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