Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
