UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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