the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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