i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
