I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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