I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
