Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
