You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
