i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
