You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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