I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
