You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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