Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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