I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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