May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
